


I Love You Too Much To Let You Go [REWRITE]

by TheNerdyTurtle96



Series: The Only Enemy I Can’t Live Without [4]
Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: And internal misery, Angst, Angsty angsty angst angst, Another world outside of canon, Because I can, But nothing graphic or destructive, Crushes, F/M, I'm a lot better at tagging this than the first time lol, Oneshot, Rewrite, Seasons 3 through 5, Unrequited Love, lots of introspection, some mentions of alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29084622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNerdyTurtle96/pseuds/TheNerdyTurtle96
Summary: So... I got bored one night and started reading through some of my old stuff. I like the concept of this oneshot a lot (I still have the original up), but did some pretty heavy editing since it wasn’t up to my current standards. Additionally, I wrote this before I started identifying as aroace. Since then, my ideas about romance have really changed, and some of the things I wrote in here in July I didn’t agree with anymore or felt I needed to explain better.
Relationships: Ethoslab/FalseSymmetry, Other unspecified background relationship
Series: The Only Enemy I Can’t Live Without [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914049
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	I Love You Too Much To Let You Go [REWRITE]

**Author's Note:**

> So... I got bored one night and started reading through some of my old stuff. I like the concept of this oneshot a lot (I still have the original up), but did some pretty heavy editing since it wasn’t up to my current standards. Additionally, I wrote this before I started identifying as aroace. Since then, my ideas about romance have really changed, and some of the things I wrote in here in July I didn’t agree with anymore or felt I needed to explain better.

Etho simply couldn’t believe his luck. He had been part of the Hermitcraft group for barely a week, and somehow False had ended up there, too. It had been three years since he had seen her last, and they had been rather close friends back in those days. Then, Etho left to be a part of the Mindcrack community, and when he finally came back, False was gone. 

Now, he was on Hermitcraft season 3 and partaking in his first community event: Tango’s Boombox minigame. There were a bunch of other people playing with them, but Etho couldn’t take his eyes off of False.

Her brilliant blue eyes were brighter than he had remembered. and they happily sparkled at the sight of him. Sunlight accentuated her flowy, golden hair and gave her the aura of an angel. When she ran up to Etho and giddily hugged him, his heart skipped several beats, and he desperately fought off a ticklish blush. 

It only became more difficult to maintain his composure as the games went on. When it was their turn to face off in a round of Boombox, he initially played rather competitively before suddenly realizing that False was the only other player left. Somehow, he managed to place two blocks of TNT to finish her off. The other hermits present heartily congratulated him on his win, but all he could hear was False’s delightful accent practically smiling at him.

He was in complete denial about it, but Etho definitely had a crush on False. It was just too hard to say anything to her about it. _I’ll talk to her tomorrow,_ he thought, _when there’s not so many people around._ He’d certainly have the courage tomorrow.

* * *

A lot of tomorrows passed, and Etho chickened out of every one of them. He did chat with False occasionally if they happened to be in the same room for an extended period of time, but he could never summon the courage to ask her out. Just a simple ask could open up a whole world that Etho had only been dreaming about. 

Instead, he put his head down and worked alone. Soon, he had a beautiful underground cave, decorated and automated to perfection. No matter how much work he put into it, though, it was always missing something.

Etho tried as hard as he could to find a substitute. Making friends with the other hermits definitely increased his confidence and gave his days excitement and joy. He would spend hours designing, testing, and building new redstone contraptions, and the wave of euphoria after completing a design was indescribably amazing. The daily shenanigans usually left a smile on his face, and everyone was simply wonderful to him. 

There was just a burning flame in his heart that could not be satisfied with anything else and left him so close, yet so far to feeling content. The feeling was like the perfect ice cream sundae that was just missing a cherry on top. It certainly wasn’t mandatory, but he didn’t feel quite right without it.

Really, he knew the answer. All he had to do was talk to False and ask her a simple question. During the day, he tried to summon enough courage to do so, but something would always come up. Etho never talked about his feelings with anyone, since the potential consequences of his secret getting out were too scary. However, he tried to give himself pep talks, telling his reflection in the mirror that the worst that could happen was her saying no. When he went to sleep at night, he spent far too much time thinking about what would happen if she rejected him, and the anticipated embarrassment withered away any shred of bravery he had built up.

Slowly, he would resign himself to the difficult truth that she would never love him back and that it would be pointless and silly to confess his feelings. Then, False would say hello in passing (or heck, it really only took a smile), and Etho would be completely captivated once again. It was a horrid and vicious cycle, and he was the only one keeping himself inside of it. 

Six months after joining Hermitcraft, Etho’s brother sent him a private message.

_ <Logoslab> _ Hey Etho! I know that you’re probably having fun on Hermitcraft and all, but if you want to come back and visit soon, that would be awesome. All of us really miss you. - Logan

Logan lived in a major city with many of their friends, and Etho definitely wanted to see all of them again. Plus, he figured that getting away from False for a few weeks would help get rid of his painful crush. Feelings weakened with time apart, right? 

Overall, it was an easy decision to make, and he left for the Crafted Realm as soon as he could inform Xisuma where he was going. As Etho pressed the button on his communicator that sent him to Logan’s city, a sense of peace washed over him. No more cycles of misery, just relaxing with old friends and resetting his stupid emotions.

* * *

Etho had only intended to stay with Logan for a few weeks, but somehow that turned into five months. It was so nice to see his old friends and catch up with his brother. None of them were mad that he was staying for so long; in fact, they were nothing but welcoming and inviting. Etho’s official reason was that he just really wanted to spend more time with them after being gone for several years. He didn’t tell them about how his eyes started welling up with tears every time that he looked down at the button to go back to the Hermitcraft world. 

Sometimes, he would randomly open the screen up and contemplate taking a good Irish exit. Then, he would remember False and what a coward he was. She was so amazing and beautiful that Etho didn’t deserve her in the slightest. He had spent months around her and hadn’t made the slightest move to gain her friendship, much less anything beyond that. Hiding his feelings daily, keeping the heart fluttering under control and fighting back blushes: it was all so tiring.

He had assumed that his feelings would go away, but they had only multiplied like rabbits. The thought of actually going back to that reality was just too painful, so he would then close the screen and put his communicator back in his pocket.

One night, the two brothers were sitting on the balcony of Logan’s apartment, gazing up at the beautiful night sky. They had eaten dinner a long time ago and were sipping cans of root beer, trying to make the drinks last as long as possible. After making idle conversation for a while, Logan finally turned to Etho, serious as the guy could possibly be.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love having you here, but why haven’t you gone back to Hermitcraft? You said in all of your calls and text messages that you were happy there, so did something happen?”

Etho’s heart was heavy trying to come up with a response, but he finally decided that he could be honest with his brother.

“I was happy, but there’s this woman...” he trailed off, knowing that Logan could finish the sentence.

“Oh, I see,” Logan’s mischievous grin proved Etho right.

“See, she’s amazing at building and all sorts of stuff, and she’s really beautiful, too,” he sighed, his thoughts happy to finally spill all of their pictures out to a real human being. “I’ve liked her since practically my first day on Hermitcraft.”

“Do I know her?”

“Maybe…” Etho stalled, not wanting to straight-out say her name. After a few moments of thinking, Logan’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he gestured with his hands. “Is it Falsie?”

Etho could only slowly nod, the words suddenly drying up once a name had been spoken and attached to the feelings.

“Oh man! So, when are you gonna ask her out?”

“That’s the problem. I’ve been meaning to do it for almost a year,” Etho sheepishly answered.

“What’s the holdup?” 

“I’m just, I’m a chicken.” Logan chuckled a bit.

“Well, that’s nothing new.” Etho glared at his brother, who just stuck his tongue out. “Are you scared that she’ll say no?”

“Um, yeah,” Etho mumbled, thoroughly embarrassed.

“First of all, she might actually say yes. Second, even if she says no, then you can still be friends. Being friends with Falsie is awesome!” he exclaimed.

“But what if she thinks I’m an idiot and rejects me? Then everyone will think I’m an idiot!” Etho cried.

“So? If everyone on Hermitcraft thinks you’re an idiot because you asked someone out and they turned you down, then do you really want to be there? Has anyone else done the same?” Logan inquired.

“Uh, I think Cleo has threatened Joe plenty of times, but I’m not sure if any of it was related to romance,” he shrugged.

“Well, based on your other experiences, are they going to mock you if you get turned down?”

“I know that they probably won’t, but I can’t make myself believe it,” he admitted.

“Ah, there’s our honest answer!” Logan exclaimed, drumming his fingertips on the side of his empty root beer can. “Would it help if I gave you some motivation?”

“Like, what kind of motivation?” Briefly running through some possibilities in his head, Etho decided it was better not to assume what type of motivation his brother was thinking about.

“I’ll give you a month to talk to Falsie,” Logan explained. “If you don’t ask her out, then I’ll do it for you. And you probably won’t like it.”

“Okay, that doesn’t sound too bad.” Etho shook his head as Logan smiled wide. 

“Great!”

Later that week, Etho finally decided that it was time to go back to Hermitcraft, especially as he heard that they were starting season 4. It was hard to say goodbye to his friends, but he managed to do it properly. 

Logan hugged him tightly and reminded him of the deadline. Etho lightly punched him in the shoulder before finally hitting the button to go back to Hermitcraft. He could do this. Right?

* * *

Etho stared at the communicator in his hand, not able to give an answer to the message from his brother.

<Logoslab> Hey brother! Time’s a tickin and if you don’t say something in the next two days, I’ll do it.

Biting his lip, he finally summoned enough strength to tap out a short reply.

<Ethoslab> It’s too late

<Logoslab> What’s that supposed to mean?

<Ethoslab> Somebody else asked her out 3 days ago

<Logoslab> Who?

<Ethoslab> you don’t know them, but I do

<Logoslab> gosh, I’m sorry

<Logoslab> Want me to call?

<Ethoslab> Why not

* * *

Logan had listened to Etho cry and pour his heart out for several hours that night over the phone. Since then, Etho had been completely silent about False. He said nothing as he watched her eyes gaze into someone else’s, her arms wrap around a different person, and her lips press against someone besides him. It hurt like mad, but he couldn’t say a word. The opportunity had already passed him by, and he would have to suffer the consequences of his cowardice.

The hole in his heart grew larger every day, and sometimes, he would randomly start crying in the middle of a project. He refused to tell anyone else about it, though. False was obviously happy with this new person. How ridiculously selfish was Etho for wanting the other person to be gone?

Etho finally slipped up one night while working on the minigame area with his friend, Doc. They had been talking instead of sleeping as per usual, and the two were proudly surveying the area that they had built so far.

“This will be perfect when we’re done!” Doc was beaming with pride, eager to see his masterpiece ready for action.

“Unlike my life,” Etho quietly muttered.

“What?” Doc turned to face him, eyebrows scrunched up.

“Nothing,” he quickly answered, cursing himself for letting his guard down too much.

“That wasn't nothing. What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine.” Etho started to bury his head into his knees, but Doc stopped him by gently lifting up his chin. The two made eye contact, and even though it was somewhat chilly, the ninja began to sweat.

“Etho, stop being an idiot. I can tell that you’ve been beating yourself up over something for weeks. You’re not fine.” Doc’s tone was level, yet betraying exasperation as he stared the ninja right in the face.

“Alright, fine. I’m a chicken and a coward,” Etho sighed.

“Why?”

“I could have had her, but I was too much of a chicken to say anything,” he whimpered.

“Who are you talking about?”  
“False,” Etho quietly whispered. Oddly enough, Doc didn’t seem surprised at all.

“Oh good graciousness,” he mumbled. “How long have you liked her?” 

“S-since I joined.” Doc placed his hands on Etho’s cheeks and glared right into the terrified ninja’s eyes.

“Etho, you really are an idiot.”

“I already know that!” Etho cried.

“Well, you can’t do much now,” the cyborg shrugged.

“That’s the problem. If I had just said something, if I hadn’t been such a coward, I would have had an answer. Even if she had said no, I could eventually get over rejection, but not this misery of uncertainty,” the ninja whispered, pain inflected in his tone.

“So what are you going to do?” Doc plainly asked.

Etho thought hard about that for a few minutes. It quickly became clear that he couldn’t stay. It was just too hard to be around False when she was in a relationship. If he had thought that season 3 was tearing on his heart, this was a new type of agony. Plus, there _was_ somewhere he could go. Eventually, he hung his head and gulped nervously before speaking again.

“I’m going to leave.”

“W-what do you mean by that?” Doc sputtered.

“I’m really sorry, but I can’t stay here any longer.”

“Where are you going to go?” From the way that his jaw had involuntarily dropped open, Etho knew that his answer had completely caught the cyborg off guard.

“I’ll go stay with my brother until season 5 starts. I’ll come back for that. I’ll be a better friend after some time away,” he promised.

“If, if you say so.”

Once again, Etho left for Logan’s home, this time with an unbearably heavy heart. Xisuma was shocked to hear that he was leaving so suddenly, but he didn’t feel like explaining why. It was time to go. He pledged to give the place one more chance, but that chance would be later. At that moment, he just needed to leave.

* * *

At least for a while, season 5 of Hermitcraft was everything Etho had been dreaming about from day one. There was some sort of magic about running hundreds of miles away from everyone else with your good friends and hanging out together. He had known Doc, Beef, and Bdubs for many years, and it was bliss to be back with them. 

Etho didn’t care as much about doing things exclusively the old school way, like the other members were passionate about. In fact, he found it quite odd that they called themselves the _New_ Hermit Order if they were dedicated to living old-school, but he didn’t question it. What mattered most was that he was far, far away from False.

Through all of the days they spent together, Doc never said a word about Etho’s confession during the previous season, and it was almost possible for him to forget about his crush. False and her lover weren’t there every day to remind him of his previous cowardice, and he could feel the wounds from the shock of that news finally healing up. 

For three months, he lived happily and carefree in that jungle. Eventually, he decided that he really could live in Hermitcraft. With his friends surrounding him, Etho was at peace. 

That was the conclusion that he was reminded of again one morning while the NHO was eating breakfast together, as per usual. Etho had prepared all of the food, Bdubs had sleepily trudged out to the table just a few minutes prior, and Beef had wrestled a bottle of who-knows-what from Doc’s grasp before the four of them sat down to eat. 

Once the food was gone, Etho became lost in his thoughts while Beef, Bdubs, and Doc chattered about various events happening in the rest of the world. Most of it was news about opposition to the NHO with a lot of grumbling about Wels in particular. He wasn’t nearly as swept up in the drama as the rest of the group and thus tuned out most of the talk over that subject. After a good fifteen minutes, he finally heard something that piqued his interest.

“So you know the new lady, Stress?” Doc asked, gesturing at Beef.

“Yeah, I know who you’re talking about,” the butcher answered.

“Well, apparently Cleo and Falsie set her up with Iskall.”

“How did that go?” Bdubs jumped in.

“Actually, Falsie said really well. They were pretty sure that Iskall was crushing on her anyway, and now they’re all in a flurry about it.”

“Well, that’s good for them,” Beef remarked. 

Across the table, Bdubs leaned forward in his chair and lowered his voice just a bit as he tapped his fingers on the wood.

“Say, I heard something from a little birdie. Apparently, Falsie’s partner dropped down on one knee the other night... and they had a ring box in their hand,” he sang, grinning mischievously.

In an instant, Etho turned white as a ghost, and he wildly glanced around at his friends. Doc’s face was thrown in disarray as he realized what Bdubs had just said, and Beef wasn’t showing any particular emotion strongly enough for the ninja to pick up on it. 

Doc started yelling at Bdubs, but Etho couldn’t hear anything they were saying. Tears began trickling down his face, and the second his body let him unfreeze, he burst out of the room and scrambled into the jungle. He was certain that someone would follow him soon and try to talk to him, but he just wanted to be alone. 

In his mental preparation for returning to Hermitcraft, Etho had never thought about False getting married, as he could guess how much it would hurt. If he had thought that hearing she was in a new relationship was painful, this news tore his heart to shreds and tried to drown him in his own head. And in that moment, Etho didn’t think it would ever be bearable to see her again.

Hands shaking like mad, he pulled out his communicator from his vest pocket and navigated to the world hopping screen. Logan’s city was displayed near the top, and with one last breath, Etho hit the button to leave Hermitcraft. Running back there time and time again was the easy route out, he would admit. This would be the last time, Etho resolved.

It wasn’t that Hermitcraft was bad; he had met wonderful friends and people there that he would happily spend the rest of his life around. What was suffocating his soul was the association of the group with his heart-shattering crush. That was what was making him leave now, and what was making him seriously consider never coming back.

Everything was a bit of a blur from there, but somehow he ended up at Logan’s apartment, crying his heart out on the couch. His brother gave him space, sympathy, and a listening ear, which he was extremely grateful for. 

A few hours later, Etho picked up his communicator again. He deliberated over what to type for several minutes before finally tapping “send”. Then, he set the device down and curled back up into a ball. Hermitcraft hadn’t worked out, and now it was time to move on.

**< Ethoslab> to <VintageBeef> <Docm77> and <BdoubleO100> **I’m sorry for leaving so suddenly. It’s not your fault, but I’m not coming back. Thank you for being my friends.

* * *

It was late on a Wednesday night when Etho strolled into his favorite bar in the Crafted Realm. Usually, he was the only one there in the middle of the week, but on this particular night, there was another person settled at the counter. He didn’t recognize them at first glance, so the ninja plopped down on a barstool a few seats away and asked for his usual. The exhausted bartender quickly slid him a spiked lemonade before returning to his cleaning of the back kitchen. 

For a few minutes, Etho sipped his drink quietly while watching the other person out of the corner of his eye, just for safety reasons. Due to his line of work, he was very good at being subtle, but he was also quite the lucrative target. Thankfully, he hadn’t been glancing over when the person suddenly spoke up.

“Hey, Etho!” Etho couldn’t quite place who the voice belonged to, but it sounded somewhat familiar. Still, he bristled at his true name being spoken by a complete stranger.

“How do you know me?” He still hadn’t really seen the other person’s face, so he finally turned to look, scowling under his mask. A very familiar helmet hid the person’s face from view, throwing Etho in for a real loop.

“X? What are you doing here?” Xisuma sighed and took a sip from his glass.

“I might ask you the same.”

“Well, I live here. What’s your excuse?” 

Ever since he had left Hermitcraft over two years ago, Etho had lived in his brother’s city, the Crafted Realm. It had only taken a few days to find work, even if that work wasn’t necessarily… legal. Fitting back into his old bounty hunter role had been easy, and it was a good distraction from the disaster that Hermitcraft had been. This was comfortable, paid well, and constantly kept him on his toes: exactly what he needed. 

“Can’t a man go to a bar every once in a while?” Xisuma jokingly asked.

“It’s nearly midnight in the middle of the week. Why aren’t you killing yourself with admin work right now?”

“Actually, we’re all taking a break for a week.”

“Huh?” 

“We’re starting season 7 in a few days,” the admin explained.

“Oh, wow. Time really flies.” Etho shook his head, already plotting how to leave as fast as possible without being overly rude.

“You know, it would be really great to have you back,” Xisuma sighed. “Beef is going to be joining us and he’s been asking me constantly if you’re going to come back.”

“I told him two years ago that I never would and my answer hasn’t changed,” was Etho’s flat reply.

“Well, if you ever change your mind, we’ll welcome you back with open arms.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

The two fell into silence for a few moments as Xisuma downed the last of his glass. The ninja wasn’t quite sure what it was, but knowing X, nothing too strong.

“Why didn’t you guys invite me to False’s wedding?” Etho blurted against his better judgement, the side that wanted his long-standing questions answered finally taking over. He had thought that he would be invited out to the wedding of common courtesy (to which he would have respectfully declined), but he had also wondered if Doc had perhaps advised against that.

“Wh-what?” If Xisuma had been swallowing any of his drink at the time, Etho was certain that he would have spewed it out like a character in a cartoon.

“I don’t know if it was a mistake or not, but I never got an invitation. I’m not mad, but just wondering why.” Internally, sirens were going off, assuming that he had crossed some sort of line. _Well, I wanted to get out of here anyway._

“Um…” Xisuma glanced around awkwardly, “she never had a wedding.”

Now, it was Etho’s turn to be in complete disarray.

“Wait, I thought she got engaged all the way back in season 5!”

“N-no, she did get proposed to,” the admin stuttered, “but she said no.”

A wave of numbness rushed through Etho’s entire body, preventing him from forming any kind of coherent thought. 

“What… how… why…”

“Did you seriously never hear the news?”

“Bdubs only said that she was proposed to!” he finally screeched. “He never said that she turned them down!”

“Oh…”

Etho burrowed his head into his hands, threading his fingers through his white hair as more of a reflex than anything. Xisuma stared off into space, waiting for the ninja to put in the next word.

“I’ve, gosh, I don’t know what to say,” Etho finally said.

“Do you want to talk some more?”

“No. I need to think.”

“Alright. Message me if you need anything,” the admin offered.

With those words, Xisuma slid off of the barstool, paid his tab, and briskly walked out the door. 

His mind still tumbling about in crazy circles, Etho ordered a few more drinks, trying to sort out what Xisuma’s information really meant. She had turned down a marriage proposal at the beginning of season 5, that he knew. If that was two years ago, who knew what her relationship status was at the current moment? If he went back, he might just get his heart broken once again. She’d already unknowingly done that twice, and Etho didn’t really believe in the whole “third time’s the charm” thing.

Still, there was a piece of him that couldn’t shake the possibility of returning to that group. Maybe he could get over the past heartbreak. Maybe he could take it now, having grown two years older and grown much wiser. Maybe his crush was already beginning to fade, and he just didn’t know it. 

All he knew for certain was that he would need to reach out in order to find answers; he would have to take the first step. And truly, he loved False too much to let her go from his life altogether.

Etho didn’t make it home until nearly closing time, about two in the morning. He slept quite late, partially due to his late bedtime and partially because of the mild hangover. However, the first thing he did when he woke up later that morning was message Xisuma.

**< Ethoslab> to <Xisuma>** Hey X? I might just join you guys for season 7.

 **< Xisuma> to <Ethoslab>** :) I’ll send you the invitation asap.

* * *

Once again, Etho saw False for the first time in years. They were both older and changed by the experiences of their time apart. She was still beautiful and amazing as ever. and Etho’s heart fluttered at the sight of her. Now, it was an older, more mature love, one constantly tested and challenged. 

Now, Etho was determined that he would be brave enough to talk to her. He would say something. And no matter what her answer was, he would be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was a bit of a treat because I had access to a better computer for a few hours. Generally, I'm going to be on a oneshot Wednesday upload schedule for the forseeable future. Not sure when I'll have another multi-chapter done, but I won't publish one until it's fully complete. Otherwise, I'll never finish it.
> 
> Hopefully you enjoyed this. Have a lovely day, beautiful readers!


End file.
